Pam Darling,

I cannot add anything to what our wise and brave Ann wrote you. But I can tell you that I had experiences like you and I feel for you.

Something else I wanted to tell you is if you(You must) know that you have an Irish patriot's name.

Many years ago, when I was a young girl, I remember going to see a movie with my father ,that I never forgot.

Clarc Gable was in it and had the role of an Irish leader and patriot: Parnell (I can't remember his other names but will look them up)

He was the dominant Irish personality in the second half of the 20th Century.

After his death he became a literary figure and even a monument was built in his honor.

James Joyce wrote a lot about him ("Ulysses").

For me, dear Pam, his name evoked a wonderful time when my father took me to many interesting events.

Courage Darling , and a big hug for you and for Tom.

as many others looking for 'Home Rule' at the time and for quite some time afterwards, Parnell actually was a Protestant. Wished, the people in Ireland (and elsewhere!) would start to remember that sort of thing and stop the nonsense. After all, both are Christians... and above all human beings. Wished, there could be peace some time.

the full name is Charles Stewart Parnell. And there is hardly any major town in Ireland (Republic) without a street, place, bridge, etc. named after him. Another one in the same line was Daniel O'Connell, the Liberator, a not too distant relative of my wife's. Happy to help out with Irish History, as far as I can, any time.

i have had, over the past almost 11 years, a few falls myself..there are two aspects to this falling stuff...physical and emotional...i found them very upsetting mentally...fortunately nothing too lasting, physically...it would take me weeks to regain my mental equalibrium...long after any physical problem was better..

mixed in with the emotional part is often embarassment as well..especially when you get to the point where you cannot get up on your own..that first time is devastating...add to that having your family members/friends/strangers seeing you fallen and then trying to find ways to get you up grrrrrrr....as bad as this is for a women, i'm thinking it might be even more devastating to a man....

it is important that the person with ibm, try to pay attention to walking...especially when outside, in less known places..that means that walking, which used to be done automatically while doing other things has to take total concentration...so, outside, and inside too, you only walk..you try not to:carry stuff, carry on conversations, turn back to talk to someone,change direction suddenly...etc..it is a learning process, but well worth the effort...

early on in my ibm i bought a transporter chair..i didn't use it immediately, but we knew it was there...the first time we used it was after my first hurtful fall...it was so helpful to have it right there when needed...when walking outside became too difficult, ken would put me in it and wheel me to car and use it in stores etc..

then we got portable track ramps so he could wheel me into homes with steps..and so on..i walked well enough in the house, long after i couldn't outside..now i have a powerchair and converted van...no more outside transfers..pure heaven..i also used the transporter chair as a walker in the house because traditional walkers didn't work for me because of how i sway side to side to step...think of a penguin waddling..thats me..but ever so slowly...

in your message, you noted about eating out..."we don't do it as much as we used to"...it gets hard to go out and there's no doubt that's true...as jim says..home in his comfort zone is a good place to be...but there are aids..scooters chairs etc..that will help with the getting out...safely too...hope your hubby is open to getting/using that stuff..and sooner rather than later..because for most of us we get it eventually...my regret is that i did wait too long for the powerchair and all electric bed and van...had i gotten them sooner it would have been easier for me and in retrospect easier for my husband who is my caregiver..

sorry to have been so wordy, but i understand how difficult it must be for both of you..sometimes, hearing how others have had or solved the same problems helps in solving yours...take care...Ann

I read your post the other day and it sure hit home.My heart goes out to you both.I was stubborn and refused to stop walking long after I should have and took well over 50 falls.They shake you up physically and emotionally.I usually had a good cry after assessing the body damages.It shakes your confidence for days.

It could be called the frustrating and irritating disease.Trying to rise from a chair and not being able to is most definitely frustrating,so forgive us our anger at times.We're angry with the situation and not the caregiver.

Getting the right medical aids can be a blessing.We may be reluctant at first but we quickly wish we had gotten them earlier.Help him look for them because the fatigue can make us where we don't like decisions and we just don't have the energy to take action.

I have a lift chair for my bath tub and it's been a life saver.Falls in the shower or tub are quite common and dangerous.I've tore a few towel bars from the walls.

Email or ask questions,if you need to.We're here for you both.

An IBM'er never knows when they will fall. It was sad for your grandson to witness the fall, but be thankful that he didn't see blood streaming down Tom's face. That would have really terrified the young lad.

Just explain to him that Grandpa fell and got a "boo-boo" like the little one does sometimes. Just like the little one couldn't know he would fall, neither does Grandpa and that the little one can be of great help to Grandpa just by standing near so his Grandpa can place a hand on his shoulder to help balance him and maybe Grandpa won't fall.

Pam, I fell backwards trying to open my side office door, hitting the corner of my wife's computer desk, at the sharp corner. When it was evident we could never get the blood stopped, we had to go to the ER (after I had showered to get the blood off my entire body and put on fresh clothes). I got 7 clamps in my scalp for the 1.5-2" gash.

You are wise to begin getting the things you know Tom will need - a cane, a walker. Eventually, you will have to consider buying new electric bed that raises head, feet and height. Very expensive for dual. I got a hospital bed (looks like ordinary bed) with the three features through Medicare and didn't cost anything. Other sources to look at are Goodwill Stores/Salvation Army to get toilet raised seats, bath bench, walkers, even used wheel chairs. (Unless absolutely necessary, never pay the prices the medical aids stores have - they are mostly government ripoffs because of Medicare.)

If you and Tom are at our meeting this Saturday in North Dallas (very easy to get to from Ft. Worth), I will be passing out information about buying used elec scooters and elec wheelchairs (Buyers Beware!)

Pam, seeing your grandson terrified probably caused you stress. When the boy is at your home, encourage him to take water or some objects to Tom, for the boy to begin asking what does Tom need that the little boy could retrieve. Make him part of your support group. Later, it will only make the bond between grandfather and grandson so much tighter. I couldn't get along w/o my grandson (17 yrs old) as he delights in helping me. For Christmas, he bought me a color survalliance camera w a microphone that he hid in the trees that covers the driveway, porches, decks and parking area. I watch my TV to see who comes up the drive when I hear the noise on the TV.

It will be great to meet you and Tom and you will find wonderful people and you won't feel so alone with IBM. We appreciate your well worded messages on the bulletin board.

It looks like Ann, Jan and I could be the "Three Stooges" if we were together and trying to walk, doing belly-whoppers and floppers every few feet as we fell.

1. FALLING - Seriously - very seriously - a nasty fall an IBM'er has is indescribable. My insides feel literally like watery Jello and I have to get to bed immediately, taking a Valium, and usually stay the rest of the day. The next day I feel like I've run a race, totally exhausted. Something happens physically as well as mentally when we fall. To be honest, it is very scary, leaving me in doubt about my own mobility and uncertainty about the future.

2. SCOOTER - MOBILE CHAIR - WHEELCHAIR - Ann is our expert on the links concerning these matters, but I will put my own experiences down:

"Hoveround" - a friend in town has one the VA bought for him - over $12,000, custom. It has all the whistles and bells and by Texas laws it is recognized as a street vehicle. It would be ideal for Tom while working on the sports fields. But the Hoveround is impractical elsewhere - too wide to enter a door; too heavy for the mobile lifts and requires a trailer to be pulled behind the car. The H would be alright in a grocery store or Wal-marts (it goes up to 25 mph), but it could not be used anywhere else.

Elec Mobile Chair - inside a home, a restaurant, a department store, you can't beat the model Ann mentioned - except be sure the seat rises and lowers. The mobile chair is impractical for shopping as there's no room for items to be placed.

Scooter - For my running around to the support meetings, restaurants, shopping, appointments, etc, I use the smaller Rascal 235, but I have platform space to place bulky items when shopping plus a removable front basket and an folding rear basket. For me and for my purposes, I love this scooter.

GENERAL OTHER INFORMATION - Ann and Jan are right. Start getting the "proper" aids that will be meet the needs eventually; not buying just for the present.

At our support group Saturday I will have handouts for our notebooks about buying new and used scooters/chairs/wheelchairs - how to know you are not being overcharged and cheated by medical aids stores, dealers, or private seller.

Because we had to change HMO's a few times, I always bought what I would need that were high dollar so I wouldn't have to spend out of pocket.

1. (In addition to the Rascal 235 scooter) Pride Challenger large 4 wheel scooter that is perfect for the large lawn, riding the 2.5 miles to see my mother in the nursing home, climbing driveway inclines, riding over roots of the huge trees.

2.Invacare elec custom wheelchair with adjustable, extendable legs - large enough to "squirm" around in to keep my rear from becoming numb.

3.Invacare elec smaller wheelchair w folding legs I use in the house to get to the dining room when we have guests, or use it in the sun room.

4. Small portable manual wheelchair (Goodwill - $25.00 like new) that we use when we fly. Lucille can lift it easily and fold/unfold it easily. It fits on a plane's closet w/o a problem (I always take a thick wheelchair pillow for use in getting out of the WC and the plane seat.)

5. If you wait about getting a hospital bed, you can get a portable trapese that fits between the headboard and wall. It is totally adjustable so Tom can reach the triangle bar to pull himself into a sitting position, then swing his legs off the side of the bed. The trapese can be used after you get either the dual elec bed or a single elec bed that has the three motors (head, foot, height)

I hope all of this information isn't mind boggling. Ann, Jan and I know that we all wished we had begun earlier in getting our medical aids.

Pam - will see you and Tom at the meeting Saturday.

We would make good circus clowns.Our falling would look like part of the act and would entertain the children.

I never broke anything but sure got some cuts,bumps,and bruises.You have to fall away from sharp objects and carry no sharp instruments.